Is and will always be, a Salieri
One of the most impactful movies that I have watched was Amadeus which surprisingly isn't really about the life of Mozart in my perspective.
Antonio Salieri was a renowned composer. He had dedicated his whole life to god, and music, at least it is how it was depicted in the movie.
Salieri in the movie was utterly bitter, and envious of the genius Mozart, and one of his lines that struck me the most:
"All I ever wanted was to sing to God, he gave me that longing, and he made me mute. Why? If he didn't want me to praise him with music, why implant the desire? Like a lust in my body, and then deny me with the talent."
Living, seeing, experiencing to have loved at the same time as Mozart is probably the most excruciating pain of all.
What it is really is that, there are and will always be a Mozart during our lifetime, or in any lifetime.
I have been trying, and trying, and even more so today to work on the project that I know I love. I have spent so much time, and effort, my whole career, my family, my kids, and my sanity in pursuit of this project.
But again, I am Salieri.
I pursued a Master's degree in one of the biggest universities in the Philippines, and I got told not by one, not two, but by three people that "This school is jot for everybody". Pretty easy to guess which school that is.
But again, at the end of the day, I am a Salieri.
My body, after years of work and dedication, is starting to give out. My mental state is starting to give out.
Again, another Salieri.
I guess... I am, and always will be a Salieri.